Reader Suggestion: Arranged Marriages

An anonymous commenter at my old blog made an interesting suggestion.

what do you think about the system of arrange[d] marriage? do a post about that

Being a never-married white anglo-saxon man who grew up in a modern secular household, I have no direct experience of arranged marriage.

All I have to go on with this subject are the conversations I have had with young Englishmen whose parents came from countries such as India, Pakistan and Bangladesh.

None of those guys were married yet but all of them expected their parents to take on the task of drawing up a short-list of suitable women.

Every one of these guys seemed genuinely thrilled about it. I’m not kidding!

I’m not a fan of the institution of marriage myself, but the idea of parental match-making for LTRs is still interesting.

However, I wouldn’t let my mother pick out girls for me. No way. Sorry mum. Love ya.

But back in the days when my Dad was still alive – God Bless Him – I would have trusted him to pick out some hotties for me :-)

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11 Responses to “Reader Suggestion: Arranged Marriages”

  1. Will S. Says:

    Like most guys, my mom tried to pick out girls for me, and encourage me to ask them out; like most guys, I rejected any and all of her suggestions, with good reason – because mothers, like other women, are clueless about matchmaking.

    As for my dad, though, he has never tried to pick any out for me. Which is fine by me, yet I can’t help but wonder, what it might have been like if he ever had…

    • Although my mother never set me up with girls, she’d see a girl on TV and ask if I thought she was attractive. The answer was always “no”. Occasionally my mum would say ominously “oh your Dad likes her…” and I’d say “oh really? me too…”

  2. Parental matchmaking may be quite desirable if you happen to have parents who know what to look for. I certainly wouldn’t depend on mine !

    My parents still , on occasion, try to find out whether I’m gay or not by pointing out a fair maiden on the street . Or they ask me whether I have had any luck finding a ‘ girlfriend or boyfriend ‘ yet . Around my 18th I almost thought I was gay because everyone implied it. I had to convince myself by looking at a few revolting pictures on the web to settle the matter. A close neighborhood friend came out of the closet a few years back. He was the most vociferous in calling me a homo throughout high school. It all made perfect sense when I heard about his disclosure. Looking back I realize I was just a stereotype beta among (aspiring) alpha ‘friends’ . Still haven’t spoken to any of them since graduation.

  3. Arranged marriages last longer than romantic ones. This Western notion of love and romance is BS IMO. When you can’t pay the bills, she’s not going to love you anymore. I wouldn’t trust my parents to make good decisions. They grew up under this system.

    • Yes, the Eastern perspective is that “romantic love” is really just sexual desire.

      The Game perspective is that “romantic love” = oneitis.

  4. Neddy Says:

    Marriages are more likely to last if the partners come from the same background, same ethnic group, same religion, and same social and educational standards.

    They both know what is expected of them.

    If both their families are involved in the marriage then there is more social pressure (and support) to make it work.

  5. In fairness if you’re talking marriage, and were seriously considering marriage your mothers choices might be more appealing. Marriage is not so much about a pretty face but more about a personality. I’d trust my mom to pick out a girl that I’d get along with, but not a girl I’d be attracted to in all other ways.

    Its a matter of priorities.

    • I once knew a muslim guy whose mother was from Afghanistan. He totally trusted his mum to find him a pretty Afghan girl from her ethnic group to marry. I think it depends on the mum.

  6. [...] Joe – “The Plight of the Unsexy Man“, “No Bromide Required“, “Reader Suggestion: Arranged Marriages“, “The [...]

  7. My parents have been together for like 30 plus years, and they were pretty much arranged to be married and such. I would love if they hooked me up with someone, I know they would probably choose a doctor or someone successful, which would make me happy.

    I guess that’s also why I believe in marriage, if my parents could stay together so long and be happy, then divorce has nothing to do with compatibility, it is just about the people who enter the relationship and the maturity level as well as religious beliefs, morals and values and patience…Then again as a child from a family that has been together forever, I don’t know much about divorce, so I’m basically talking out of my ass.

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