Rachel Nico’s Killer Question

In a comment on a previous post Rachel Nico reminded me how she discovered my old blog last year.

She typed something like this into google:

how to motivate my unambitious boyfriend

Although she enjoyed reading my old blog, she didn’t really get an answer to her question. I seem to recall that she later did a post along the lines of “Where is the Jay Z to my Beyonce?”

My advice to her was essentially negative. I pointed out that most men are just not very successful or acclaimed. Since no woman would want her partner to be a moocher or a deadbeat, I suggested that settling for an everyday working stiff who paid his own way would be the realistic option.

However, now that I am more familiar with Game concepts I have a much better answer to Rachel’s question.

As I have mentioned before, even pre-Game I was dimly aware that doing stuff I didn’t enjoy to achieve things just to please women wouldn’t work. To use association football terminology, it would be an “own goal”.

The amazing truth about women is that they frequently get together with men of very limited material means provided that those men have that all encompassing obssessive drive to achieve or create something.

Gregory Chaitin writes eloquently about the creative process in his book Metamath.

Is there some way to train for it, like a sport?! No, I don’t think so!

You have to be seized by a demon and our society doesn’t want too many people to be like that!

Let me describe what it feels like right now while I’m writing this book.

First of all, the ideas that I’m discussing seem very concrete, real and tangible to me. Sometimes they feel even more real than the people around me. They certainly feel more real than newspapers, shopping malls and TV programs – those always give me tremendous feeling of unreality!

In fact, I only really feel alive when I’m working on a new idea, when I’m making love to a woman (which is also working on a new idea, the child we might conceive), or when I’m going up a mountain!

Its intense, very intense.

Chaitin goes on like that about the creative process for another two pages. Not bad for a popularisation of ideas in logic, mathematics and computer science.

Joseph Campbell says much the same thing about a man’s life purpose when he says “follow your bliss”.

I like to write. I may never earn a penny from it, but its what I do.

Another man might restore cars, bodybuild, play sports, do astronomy, play music, trade stocks or what have you.

The question is not how much he banks as a result of it, but rather how fulfilled he is when he’s doing his schtick.

This self-actualisation is much more important to women than the money.

So my advice to Rachel is different now that I know more about Game:


Find a man with this creative passion and a sense of mission. Even if he isn’t rich!

As Roissy points out:

Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.

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11 Responses to “Rachel Nico’s Killer Question”

  1. Nicky G Says:

    My mother told me that I needed to find out what I loved doing in life, and then do it. To which I said, “I love doing nothing, but nothing doesn’t pay very well.”

    • Nicky, your mother is absolutely right. She sounds very cool.

      I can also relate to the sentiment “I like doing nothing”!

      I would argue, however, that even the biggest slackers on earth (myself included) have a creative passion that just needs to be unleashed. Wether or not it pays well.

      Do you have any hobbies?

  2. Nicky G Says:

    I like finances and knowing how the world ticks. I work at a bank so I’m right in the heart of gang-bankster central. Last night I went to my first accounting class. So right now my hobbie is learning economics, that and chasing women when I can.

    • That’s cool.

      I’m a big fan of the Austrian School of economics myself. Its a fascinating subject!

      Your passion for stuff like that means alot to women – even if they aren’t remotely into the subject matter themselves. They see the fire-in-your-belly and they like it.

      Combine your interests with some defiinite goals and you will be unstoppable.

  3. […] Average Cohabiting Chump Ask Workshy Joe Absolutely Anything « Rachel Nico’s Killer Question […]

  4. Thanks for the answer to my question! LOL. Yea, I’ve had this discussion several times with my dude…sadly he isn’t passionate about anything…except gambling; LOL, which is impossible to make a career out of unless you have money/investors to begin with.

    And you are right, he won’t change, but I guess I already knew that.

    When it comes down to it ambition can’t be forced through loving hints, amusing anecdotes or humiliating conversations, it’s only ignited by passion.

    Therefore lack of passion=lack of ambition and no direction 😦 The sad part is that dude is actually extremely intelligent, but I guess not motivated enough to find something he likes.

  5. @Rachel: You have to leave the city to dump him?

  6. LOL, unfortunately yes.
    I’m addicted.
    When your best friend, who you never thought of ‘that way’ randomly turns into someone you have a relationship with it’s hard to blur the lines.
    Sadly it seems like the line is literally the state line, as I’m pretty sure dude will never relocate from his lazy beach life.

  7. […] Joe – “Orientation“, “Rachel Nico’s Killer Question“, “David’s Comment“, “Emotionally Unavailable” is a Man-Bashing […]

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