“Emotionally Unavailable” Is A Man-Bashing Slur

I consider it puzzling that abstract algebra is still a male-dominated academic bastion.

After all, don’t women have a trememdous passion for generalisation and abstraction in the area of human relationships?

Why give a hundred different names to a myriad of different phenomena when you can slap one big label on anything that you don’t like?

I’m going to take some quotes out of a batshit eHow article to show you how transparent and useless the concept of “emotional unavailability” is.

Emotionally unavailable people are difficult to nail down. Call them and get voice mail. Leave a message, and they wait for weeks to return the call — or don’t return them at all.

When was the last time you heard a conversation like this?

Steve: Bob, I think Sheila is emotionally unavailable *bursts into tears*.
Bob: There there buddy. She doesn’t deserve you. Have some more ice cream.

Never happens does it?

The following scenario is far more likely:

Steve: Why doesn’t Sheila ever answer her fucking phone?
Bob: *shrugs*
Steve: Voicemail. Every fucking time. I wonder what she’s up to right now.
Bob: She’s probably getting pounded like a jackhammer by another guy.
Steve: Well thank you Bob. You’re really fucking supportive.
Bob: You’re welcome. Have another beer.

eHow continues:

An emotionally unavailable person may never hear about a partner’s family or friends. He may not even know where his partner lives or what she does for a living.

So now they’ve reversed the genders to make the issues seem less mundane and more esoteric than they actually are. What a riot!

They’re married or recently separated. Maybe they’re dating someone else — or they want to.

Well give the lady a cigar!

Whatever the case, someone who is already involved with someone is not likely to be emotionally available to another person. For that matter, they’re probably not emotionally available to the person they’re with either.

Classic circular definition.

There are also those people who actively seek out multiple relationships in order to avoid emotional intimacy with any one person.

Breath-taking solopsism and projection there.

The nature of addiction makes addicts emotionally unavailable because the addiction takes precedence over everything else.

Christ-on-a-bike! That’s a bit of a stretch isn’t it?

Why not say that men with bad breath or a keen interest in Formula One are emotionally unavailable too?

So the definition now appears to be:

Emotional unavailablity = Anything that you don’t like about someone that you’re into

Well two can play at that game!

From now on, I will define female “emotionally unavailability” in terms of anything that I don’t particularly like about women.

1. Big sunglasses.
2. Harem pants.
3. Fake tan.
4. Unwillingness to blow me on command.
5. Having asymmetric tits.

etc, etc.

There are several references on the Web geared toward women recognizing and dealing with men who are emotionally unavailable.

Yeah. No shit.

In truth, emotional unavailability is not gender-specific.

That’s just a PC smoke-screen. Its a man-bashing slur in practice.

The issue of emotional availability and intimacy is one of trust, which affects both genders.

No, its an issue of a woman not getting what she wants from a particular man and feeling the need to slap a pathological label on his behaviour as a result of that.

Rather than simply saying “we’re not compatible” or “he’s not serious about me” some women feel the need to apportion blame.

Emotional availability is also not a matter of gender roles or behaviors.

The gender-neutral brigade would put the woman-in-a-harem in the same bracket as the beta male who gets used or overlooked by women. Other than both being carbon-based life-forms with low sexual market value, those two types of individual have basically nothing in common with each other.

It’s not about “getting in touch with one’s feminine side” or “sharing feelings.”

Translation:

For the sake of legitimacy, we really want men to buy into this crap as well, but so far even the trendiest of metrosexual SWPLs have no clue what we are even talking about.

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18 Responses to ““Emotionally Unavailable” Is A Man-Bashing Slur”

  1. Aka the dude is a player and aloof, making you chase him.

    Girls love emotionally unavailable dudes and it’s something I take pride in being.

    I just got accused of being “emotionally available” two weeks ago, and I had to stop myself from smiling outwardly.

  2. I love the male dialogue at the top for it is just like it is. As for the female, I couldn’t say, never having overheard a woman to woman moan-fest

    • The best place to find a good woman to woman moanfest is on Baggage Reclaim.

      Its the Indy 500 for rationalization hamsters.

      • My friend got that book from the website. I had a scan through it. iirc one of the things it said was for the woman to take a good hard look at herself that often women who go for ’emotionally unavailable’ men are emotionally unavailable themselves.

      • @Lilly: I can believe it. So hating men isn’t enough for the author. She wants women to hate themselves as well. So sad.

  3. I’ve never heard of emotionally unavailable. Good article.

  4. Retrenched Says:

    I just love it when women complain that their boyfriends are “emotionally unavailable”. Fact is, if they were emotionally available, they wouldn’t even be their boyfriends in the first place — they’d be nice guy beta orbiters that these women wouldn’t dream of sleeping with in a million years.

    Women get more of what they sleep with, and less of what they “friend zone”. Then they complain about having what they chose to sleep with, instead of what they “friend zoned”.

  5. techfool Says:

    Do all women generalise?

    • I think that everyone generalizes to some extent as part of the cognitive process.

      What interests me here is the marked tendency among some women to use very high level abstraction to explain very mundane and banal phenomena.

  6. […] “Rachel Nico’s Killer Question“, “David’s Comment“, “Emotionally Unavailable” is a Man-Bashing Slur“, “Free Online Dating – You Have Been […]

  7. commenter99 Says:

    Pretty simple. Females want a man who is “emotionally-unavailable” to change for them. They dont want some one who is emotionally available to anyone, frankly who would?

    • Yes, I take your point. What men find frustrating is that women say they want one thing and its the exact opposite of what they really want.

      Infuriating much?

  8. […] my post on Emotional Unavailability, whiteboykrispy left this comment: Aka the dude is a player and aloof, making you chase […]

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